Date: January 21, 2017
Subtitles: everyone has a horrible no-good very bad day; owl in a bucket
Adventurers: Virtue Stoneplate (log-taker, wizard [illusionist] 2), Rock (map-maker, barbarian 1), Prem “Lil P” Belzaphir (bard 1), Flora Greenburrow (wizard 1), < Bugle Reveille> (fighter 2), Irina (NPC cleric 1, now deceased)
Virtue: -3 INT
Rock: -1 DEX, -1 WIS, -1 WIS
Flora: disadvantage on acrobatics and sleight of hand
Treasure and XP
10 worgs (1 routed)
31 regular goblins (2 goblins routed)
(goblin queen routed)
1 giant octopus
xp earned from encounters – 163 xp each
hides and furs from hunting stash, 60 gp
furs and gems from ladder room, 160 gp
valuable ore from forge room, 500 gp
fancy statuette from secret compartment in smith’s quarters, 150 gp
ornate throne from throne room, 400 gp
cart full of ore from flooded tunnels, 200 gp
abandoned treasure from flooded throne room, 250 gp + magic item
woebegotten donkey (Adeline) 10 gp
chunk of silver ore 1 sp (in Virtue’s pocket, not split among party)
stag antlers 10 gp
stag hide 5 gp
worg skins 110 gp
prompt log bonus 100 gp
Blazing sceptre of fast feet 600 gp
xp earned from treasure – 451 xp each
total xp – 614 xp each, or 675 xp with updated character sheet
250 gp to hire Irina
550 gp in potions
100 gp identify spell
Profit: 953 + blazing sceptre
[Everyone gets 1 share except for Irina who gets 1/4 share. Rock is buying the sceptre, Flora is buying the donkey. Virtue has +1 silver piece from a chunk of ore that she stashed in her pocket. Result:
Memorial Irina Lastnameovna Fund: 953 GP / 24 (1/4 of 1/6 share) = 39.7 GP
Remainder for us: 953 GP – 39.7 GP = 913.3 GP
Base Share: 913.3 / 5 = ~182 GP
Rock: 182 GP + 2 GP from Flora (Donkey) – 480 GP (Buyout of Sceptre) = -296 GP (46 GP paid out to each party member, remaining 74 GP debt to each party member)
Flora: 182 GP – 10 GP (Buy Donkey) + 46 GP from Rock (Sceptre) = 220 GP + 74 GP debt from Rock (Sceprtre)
Virtue: 182 GP + 2 GP from Flora (Donkey) + 46 GP from Rock (Sceptre) + 0.1 GP (Silver Nugget) = 230.1 GP, + 74GP debt from Rock (Sceptre)
< Bugle >: 182 GP + 2 GP from Flora (Donkey) + 46 GP from Rock (Sceptre) = 230 GP, + 74GP debt from Rock (Sceptre)
Li’l P: 182 GP + 2 GP from Flora (Donkey) + 46 GP from Rock (Sceptre) = 230 GP, + 74GP debt from Rock (Sceptre)
We head off to the general area where we know the goblins to be and see two squirrels, not floating. Rest of the hike is uneventful.
We come up to a cliff with a pulley hanging about 50 feet up. Rock climbs up the cliff and uses a thrown rope to pull the pulley down and get everyone else up after some mishaps (see: <bugle> catapulting into the sky). We don’t see goblins, but we do see a crevice in the rock behind a bush. We cautiously go in single file.
Lil P casts Dancing Light so that Rock and Irina can see. We are exploring the cavern, the goblins are not here – they seem to be mobilizing, they’re not where we expected them to be. Rock says “I don’t have a good feeling about this”. Party agrees. We come across a pile of furs, worth about 60 gp. We decide to leave them there (Virtue: ugh fine I guess) – hopefully we’ll come back alive to retrieve them. We see a big door with a lever and another, hidden lever; in another room we come across a bunch of go-karts and rails leading off into the darkness.
Flora sends her owl (Henrietta) down the corridor to investigate, she sees no goblins but manages to expand our knowledge of what’s ahead. Party follows Henrietta behind 100ft.
Henrietta sees an area that looks mined out, with corridors branching off into various areas of ore. Shadows on the wall flicker as though something is moving around near the torch. Henrietta hears a soft growling noise. (Rock: “Wolves.”)
Henrietta sees another corridor directly south. Rock suggests backing off and circling around through the kart rails instead of advancing further into a group of enemies. <bugle> pulls out a caterpillar from his fanny pack and eats it piece by piece. Virtue: “Pick them off one by one!” <bugle> nods approvingly. (As well he should because Virtue is very smart.) (Note from the Future: Ah, how little I knew then.)
The party decides to venture down the corridor. Virtue sees a group of three goblins and a warg slipping into a side corridor, carrying pickaxes. We decide to go after them.
Virtue is not surprised when they jump around the corner because her perception is The Bomb. Rock fails to hit anything. Lil P misses a goblin with a crossbow. <bugle> shoots for 12 – miss. Rock finally rolls a 20 and hits one of the goblins for 10 damage. Goblin drops! Rock cleaves and bashes the other one on the head for 4 damage. The warg lunges at Rock and Rock does 8 points of damage as it closes, while whacking it out of the way. Flora Firebolts the hurt goblin but misses. Irina swings and misses twice. Virtue is a hot mess with a missing Firebolt. (AN: WHAT is with these FIREBOLTS)
The hurt goblin starts to turn to run away but the warg growls at it and it turns and attacks. The goblin swings its blade at Rock; Rock holds up her halberd to block and the sword shatters. (NICE. Virtue: “Looks like your manufacturing skills are kind of garbage.” Goblin: “Snarl.”)
Lil P shoots another crossbow at the injured goblin, which drops. <bugle> does 7 damage to the third goblin, which staggers back. Rock does another 5 points of damage to drop it. The warg pauses to check its morale and decides to Howl Real Loud before disengaging and running away. The party follows it around the corner and down the corridor, volleys it and it collapses against a wall.
We come out into a large room with a connecting corridor running back upwards. <bugle> hears some noises coming from behind the door at the far end – an elevator comes up with two goblins and two wargs.
Flora Magic Missiles the two goblins. Virtue, <bugle>, and Lil P all miss. Virtue recovers first and drops an injured goblin. Rock does 12 damage to a warg who tries to attack Virtue. (Virtue declares that Rock is kind of cool.) As she declares this, Virtue drops from a couple of nasty warg bites. She gets permanent brain damage (-3 INT), temporary brain damage (-3 INT), and a concussion.
Rock rages and does 19 damage against the more injured warg to drop it. Lil P heals Virtue. Both <bugle> and Flora miss the last remaining goblin. Irina hurls a throwing hammer at the goblin and drops it, and also intimidates the only remaining warg. Virtue misses. The warg crits Irina and drops her – massive damage save or die. Irina dies. Rest in peace, we knew her well(?).
<bugle> shoots the warg and does some damage. Rock misses.
(DM exclaims: “JAMES WHY DID YOU CREATE THIS HORRIBLE GAME”)
Lil P Vicious Mockery’s the warg, which passes (?!). Flora Firebolts the warg for 4 damage. The warg turns to Rock and Virtue HITS the STUPID WARG FINALLY. <bugle> drops the warg. <bugle> takes out its eyes, smushes them, and grinds them under his boot. He won’t even eat them. <bugle> gives Virtue a thumbs up which takes her a few moments to comprehend. She tries to sop up her blood with some bread and Flora ties her a very pretty head-bandage from strips of cloth.
(Memo to self: look up becoming a were-thing. Got to go on a full moon expedition.)
Rock convinces the party to keep going after the goblins and stops the elevator halfway between floors. We go to the edge of a corridor and <bugle> stealthily peers around, seeing 3 goblins coming down the corridor towards us. The goblins pull out short bows and try to shoot <bugle> in the face for 3 damage.
Virtue Sleeps the three goblins and then STABS THEM IN THE HEAD, HECK YEAH. 3 more goblins down.
Flora sends Henrietta the owl down the stairs to the third level to scout. She sees a long corridor curving down and eastward ending in a room with another mining tunnel leading out of it and some stairs and a small hole at one end. Henrietta looks down the hole and sees a rope attached to a bucket hanging some ways down the shaft. She gets in the bucket and we lower her – down comes the bucket. Flora: “Owl in a bucket!”. It’s very cute.
Henrietta sees, at the bottom of the shaft, a little mess area with 4 goblins and a warg hanging out and eating. The bucket hits the side of the shaft and one of the goblins looks at it before Henrietta can duck back down. Rock frantically hauls the bucket back up while <bugle> sends an arrow down the shaft and Lil P attacks as well. They kill the goblin who stuck its head out to look, and we hear a shout from below.
We go back up to the second floor and take the western mining tunnel.
Virtue puts 1 silver’s worth of iron ore in her pocket: “I WILL MAKE SOME MONEY FROM THIS IF IT IS THE LAST THING I DO”. (AN: It might be.)
Owl Bucket Part 2: We lower Henrietta into another hole with a ladder. The Owl Pulley(™) enables us to see a room on Level 3 with some miscellaneous goodies – nice looking furs and ugly looking trinkets. Henrietta sees a goblin sleeping on some furs – <bugle> sneaks down the ladder and kills the goblin.
Rock continues lowering Henrietta to Level 4 where she sees a long room with a couple of passageways leading off. In the room are 2 goblins having a whispered argument. Rock and <bugle> stealth down – well, <bugle> stealths and Rock just… thumps. The room is now empty. The rest of us come down the ladder and venture into a huge room to the side. The two goblins we saw previously disappear into an exit to the side of that room.
We follow them and as we do, we see a large turning structure in the middle of the room with a woebegone donkey harnessed to it. None of us can figure out how they got a donkey down a ladder this far. (We have all, collectively, forgotten about the elevator system.) We free the donkey, which breaks the elevator! (We still can’t make the connection.)
We continue to follow the goblins down a corridor into another room – the mess hall we saw earlier. The mess hall is FRIGGIN FULL OF GOBLINS – 5 goblins and a warg.
<bugle> Action Surges for 10 and 4 damage to two goblins. One goblin drops and the other is hurt. The goblins shoot Lil P (two attacks, one crit fails [the goblin snaps its own bow], the second misses), Flora (one attack, miss), Rock (one attack, miss, Rock does 7 damage in reaction; one warg attack, 11 damage to Rock). Rock rages and does 23 damage to the warg. Flora Magic Missiles two on the warg (warg down!) and one on the injured goblin (still up). Virtue Sleeps the rest of the goblins and we KILL THEIR SKULLS. Rock drinks a potion and gets back up to near-full.
We retreat up to Level 3 in the single room with the ladder going down and decide to take a short rest. Nothing happens and we all regain our HP/various spell slots if applicable.
(We have 60 gp of furs and 1 silver of iron ore right now)
Afterwards we go up to Level 1 and try to pick one last fight before we retreat outside for a long rest. A group of goblins comes upon us near the cave entrance (4 goblins, 3 wargs).
The goblins drop the stag they were carrying and pull out their weapons. Turns out they were just out on a hunting party. Rock gets critted and goes down – temporary injury, 1 point of WIS damage. Virtue Healing Words Rock and Sleeps 3 goblins.
Focus Attack – Rock does 13 damage to one. Flora Magic Missiles it for 8 damage. <bugle> does 11 damage on the injured warg, dropping it. Rock does 11 damage on another warg, which bites Rock back. Rock gets another temporary injury – internal bleeding, vulnerable +1 to damage.
Lil P Inspires <bugle> and Vicious Mockery’s one warg, which fails its save; 4 points of damage to the warg. The one standing goblin shoots Flora, which bounces harmlessly off Flora’s Shield. Virtue pours a potion down Rock’s throat and Rock is up again, going after the injured warg for 10 points of damage. Not good enough! Flora Firebolts it for 9 damage and the warg GOES. DOWN.
1 injured warg, 1 goblin left. <bugle> does 3 damage to the goblin. The warg hits Lil P for 4 damage, who stays up. The goblin panics and runs at the door. Virtue tries to Firebolt the warg and misses. Rock, Flora, and <bugle> drop the warg. Before anyone can do anything further, Rock steps forward and javelins the running goblin in the head.
<bugle> quickly skins the wargs – gain 45 gold. The stag’s horns are 10 gp.
We head down the mountain for the night and go to sleep in a small rocky crevice, which we alarm and also conceal so that we get the Safest Sleep Ever.
The next morning Rock pulls us all up the cliff using the pulley, but twists her wrist a little.
We get back into the mines and decide to follow the go-kart tracks, which curve around down to Level 4 and into a huge room with many exits. Many… many… indefensible… exits… Lil P notices that it is extremely quiet. (Rock: “Too quiet?”)
We retreat and decide to explore the rest of Level 4. The donkey is gone, but probably sad and alone wherever it is. We come across about 20 sleeping mats in another room. (Rock: “Oh so we’ve killed like half of them! There can’t be too many more.”)
(DM: “Can you include these statements in the log as the reason why everyone died?”)
We find another mining tunnel which connects back to the mess hall, and can now connect pretty much all of the first four levels together. We go down the last remaining corridor (AN: DM has designed this goblin warren really intricately, it’s amazing.)
Henrietta flies 100ft down the corridor and sees a gate with a staircase on the other side. Henrietta tries to climb through the gate and dodges a trap of spikes, but gets skewers by another pile of spikes.
(Even Henrietta can’t have a good day.)
Lil P gently pries open the lock on the gate, which is very shoddily-made (like everything else here). Virtue notices a secret door a few steps into the tunnel. Rock finds the mechanism and opens it. The door appears to lead to another tunnel in between levels (Level 4 ½). We follow the secret tunnel which eventually connects back to the regular tunnel through a similar gate. We continue down to the top of some stairs and follow those stairs down. Rock clomps down and gets hit with 15 points of damage from a volley of arrows – drops, takes permanent injury, -1 point DEX.
<bugle> nudges ahead and sees 4 goblins – the stairs open up into a room. <bugle> Action Surges, misses twice, steps back where they can’t see him. He notices a hole at the other end of the room, aka a goblin entry point. The goblins begin to step over Rock’s prone body and advance up the stairs. <bugle> takes 3 arrow hits for 15 damage. Lil P Healing Words Rock who gets back up, and crossbolts one of the goblins for 8 damage who goes down. Virtue Sleeps the lowest 2 goblins, with one still up. Flora Firebolts the remaining goblin for 1 damage. Rock crits for 9 damage and the goblin is down.
From the eastern door, two goblins enter, one of whom has a wolf on a chain. From another secret passage we didn’t see comes out two warg riding goblins and a goblin in robes. Now that we see these goblins, we realize the other goblins had incredibly shoddy armour – these goblins look like they’re much better armed. (Rock: “Oh, great.”)
<bugle> Second Winds, picks up 5 HP, and kills one of the sleeping goblins. Rock swallows a potion, gains 5 HP and walks down the stairs in front. She sees them and goes into a Rage, warning the rest of the party. Lil P Vicious Mockery’s a warg and does 1 point of damage, as well as Inspiring Rock.
The goblin lets loose the wolf, who charges forward. Rock kills the wolf as it charges. The warg and its rider attack. They both miss. The second warg does 4 damage to Rock and its rider misses. Rock dodges out of the way of the goblin cleric’s Sacred Flame.
Virtue Sleeps the two warg-riding goblins. The wolf-wielding goblin hits Rock for 4 damage. Flora Magic Missiles the goblin cleric for 12 damage. <bugle> does a further 8 damage to the cleric. Cleric stays up.
Rock, <bugle>, and Flora get Baned for -d4 on their attacks and saves. Rock chugs a potion and gets back to near-full. A bigger goblin enters with fancy armour (the Queen) and attacks Rock – and misses twice! Phew. Lil P Inspires <bugle> and tries to Mock one of the wargs, but misses.
Another two wargs come in from the east. There are now 4 wargs in the room. Rock takes 4 damage and a warg takes 11 damage. The other two wargs attack – both miss. Virtue Sleeps the injured warg. Flora sends 2 Magic Missiles to the cleric and 1 to a warg – the warg takes 2 damage, cleric takes 9. The cleric barely manages to stay on its feet. <bugle> downs the cleric and we are no longer Baned.
Rock hits the injured warg for 13 damage. 4 more goblins enter from the east. Queen Boss attacks Rock – misses twice. Another Goblin Boss enters as well, from the east.
(AN: We’re gonna fucking die.)
Miss miss from second Goblin Boss. Lil P fully heals Rock and Mocks a warg. The warg crit fails! Lil P does 4 damage. Rock does 11 damage to the second Goblin Boss (the Smith). The wargs attack Rock – 6 damage. Virtue reaches her arm around and pours a potion down Rock’s throat. (Strategy: just keep doing this until Rock kills everything, please???)
Flora Firebolts the injured warg for 8 damage. <bugle> shoots it dead. Rock hits another warg for 7 damage.
The Bosses only hit Rock once for 3 damage. Lil P fires her crossbow and Inspires Rock – crits the injured warg for 9 damage.
There are two wargs left. They do 12 damage to Rock. Virtue does Ye Olde Potion Reacharound and Rock stays up. Flora tries to firebolt the injured warg and misses. <bugle> misses too. Another goblin shows up from the secret door. Rock tries to hit but misses it. Out of five goblins, only one hits Rock. This weakens their morale a little bit. Rock takes 4 points of damage. Rock downs the injured warg and the goblins are now all shooting arrows at her except for one goblin which closes with a sword. Rock does 8 damage to that goblin and it goes down.
The Queen yells something in Goblinese and ducks down the secret corridor. The Smith remains standing strong.
Lil P kills one of the sleeping wargs. There is one warg remaining, which is booking it – Rock crits for 10 damage, it continues running away. Virtue does Ye Olde Potion Reacharound for Rock again. Flora crit fumbles a Firebolt and Firebolts herself, dropping herself. Flora gets a permanent injury – permanent disadvantage on acrobatics and sleight of hand, temporarily 25% chance of spell failure.
The goblins are peacing it, including the Smith. <bugle> kills all the sleeping goblins. We chase down the secret door but they are not on this floor. We go down another floor. We hear some noises and figure we need to go south, but there is a door to the south that will not open. Rock bursts the door open – there is another door. Rock bursts that one open too – there is another door. Rock bursts open THAT door into a really fancy looking throne room. The room is empty.
There is a secret door in the back of the room – we open it and go through. We are catching up to the goblins and are in what looks like a bare once-treasury. There is another secret door which we bust through. We continue chasing after them. We catch up down this corridor (looks like an old mining tunnel) with the five goblins and the Smith. The Queen goblin is nowhere to be seen, as is the warg.
Rock rages, and we close. The goblins land two hits for 6 damage on Rock. <bugle> does 5 damage to the Smith. Rock drops the Smith and another goblin. Lil P shoots the goblin with a crossbow and drops it. 2 goblins left, which Rock kills without much effort.
The Queen and her warg are gone, which is a pity because that crown looked “hella sweet” (DM).
We climb down a ladder into a flooded level – the water is about 3ft deep. (It is NOT the magic health water. Lil P: “THIS DOES NOT HAVE A HAPPY ENDING”).
As we wander through this area, some seaweed catches on Lil P’s leg and drags her under. Rock lunges immediately to get ahold of Lil P but can’t disentangle her from the seaweed. Virtue slices the seaweed like a PRO (you don’t need to be smart to be good at shit!). Flora gets a lungful of water and takes 4 damage. Virtue sees an octopus swimming around, which does not get a surprise round. Rock kills the octopus dead. Rock is 9000% Done with this day.
<bugle> notices an angry giant octopus coming towards us, and shoots it for 3 damage.
Rock closes with the giant octopus and does 7 damage. Flora fizzles her Firebolt. Lil P shoots it for 8 damage. It attacks Rock, who drops. Rock takes a severe injury – permanent, another point of WIS damage. Virtue Firebolts the octopus for 1 damage. <bugle> misses. Flora manages to dodge the octopus’ tentacles despite her burned hand and pours ANOTHER potion down Rock’s throat.
(James E as player: “We have spent more in potions than we will make in loot from this expedition.”
David as player: “No, SOVAN’S spent more in potions than we will make in loot from this expedition.”)
The octopus downs Rock again, who is temporarily crippled – her CHA is down to 2 (!!!!?)
<bugle> does 6 damage to the octopus. Virtue Firebolts it for 2 damage. Rock fails a death save. Lil P steals a potion from <bugle> and throws it into Rock’s mouth, who is back up at 7.
(Everyone laughs slightly hysterically through the knowledge of certain impending death.)
Flora’s Firebolt fizzles, alliteratively. The octopus hits Rock for 7 damage, who is down. Again. Rock now has 7 permanent WIS and 4 temporary WIS.
<bugle> does 4 damage to the octopus. Lil P tosses our second-last potion into Rock’s mouth, who is back up at 9 HP. Flora fizzles. Rock does 10 damage. Virtue misses her Firebolt. <bugle> crit fumbles and bowstring breaks. Rock gets an AOO for 13 points of damage which drops it. FINALLY.
We retreat and have a short rest. We also find 200gp of ore in a go-kart, as well as a chest. <bugle> notices a trap and avoids it, pulling open the chest and finding 250gp of gems and Old Empire coins as well as assorted trinkets and a really fancy-looking sceptre (Flame Scepter give +5 Movement Speed, 1/Expedition +2d6 Fire on attack).
We have now cleared the warren and obtained a fuckton of loot, at great personal cost.